The Grass is Greener on the Other Side

I'm done. I have made it to the other side of the Step 1. And it's a lot like going through Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

First there is anger. Yesterday I was pissed off at the exam, frustrated at the things I didn't study and even more at the things I did and weren't on the exam. I found myself taking this anger out on random people and things, as just a way to relieve some of the pressure that had been building up for the last month.

Then, I went numb. My brain just quit working. Last night I couldn't figure out how to order a pizza, pick a beer, or even remember my birthday at dinner with the girls. It was like I just completely shut down.

Next were the flashbacks. I had dreams about the questions on the exam last night. And, where I couldn't remember more than 2 specific questions when I walked out yesterday, today they have been coming back to me like a flood. Questions I got right, or got wrong, or even worse, changed from right to wrong.

If this pattern keeps on, next up should be either psychosis or recovery. I'm hoping for the latter. I'm thinking I might clean my house today, run a few fun errands, then go out to dinner with The Cutest Boy in the World. No more worrying, no more studying... At least for the next week.