News Flash

The Miller clan, including the annexed portion of the Canizaro clan (e.g., David), met this weekend to celebrate family, motorcycles, and food. In light of the CEOs of Miller Inc relocating the home office to Chattanooga, TN, this was the last of such gatherings in the stinky state of Louisiana. Also, owing to the upcoming loss of free time of the youngest Miller and Ashley's current shortage, time coordination will also become more difficult. Therefore, no expense was spared to make this past weekend fun for all...

David opted to try the once popular jiggle method of weight loss by riding his motorcycle 5 hours down to Zachary and back. Sources say he reports a two inch loss from his ass, although statistics have not been released whether or not this results from the 5 hours of compression or the vibration.

Popscicle made Miller family history by not being called into work for the first time during a Canizaro visit. Of course, after turning in his resignation and missing a 10 o'clock phone call, Entergy might just finally be getting the hint.

Ashley has embraced her inner Pam and was seen purchasing multiple leather garments at the local Harley store. With this large of a cowhide purchase, insiders are questioning whether she has actually taken to moonlighting as a dominatrix.

Numpsey still waits patiently for her Mother's Day gifts. Sources say she has been seen peering out the front door windows waiting for the UPS or mail man to bring her the very large box she knows she is getting.

In unrelated news, Al Copeland, the owner of Copeland's Cheesecake Bistro has recently purchased a private yacht. Although no official statements have been made concerning this extravagant purchase, he is reported to have claimed to have had "a very profitable weekend."