Preparation

If I knew I would have to do some hard manual labor, I could go to the gym and pump some iron.

If I have a big test coming up, I can shotgun a pot of coffee and stay up all night studying.

If I was about to go into a land of famine for an extended period of time, I could increase my carb uptake (not a stretch for me) and pack on the pounds in order to be prepared for the coming need of energy.

Our bodies allow us to mentally and physically prepare for a multitude of impending situations.  Therefore, I find it unfair, and actually a bit upsetting, that we cannot stockpile sleep.

I am facing the countdown to the an era of sleep deprivation like my body can not even fathom, yet, no matter how lazy I am now, I know it will still likely drive me to the brink of insanity, or at least make me more than a little grouchy.  Overall, I think we I get to heaven I might talk to God about the possibility of installing a "sleep saver" option in the generations to come.  They can thank me later.

Washed by the Water

A lot of things have happened in my life since I last posted, and I've spent the last several days trying to figure out which one I should start with to break the blog ice. And, it became clear which one is truly most important...

On May 23rd, I was baptized! I finally made the outward expression of an inner change. In front of my husband, family, and a whole lot of strangers, the preacher proclaimed my testimony and I was dunked in the baptismal pool. I came out of the water as a new creation in Christ! It was a great day.

Excuses to Use When Late For Rounds

-- “I had to change my scrubs. In other news… Mr. Jones -- emesis times one this morning.”

-- “I was examining Mrs. Smith when she suddenly went into V-tach and became unresponsive. I was about to call the code, when Chuck Norris walked in and gave her a roundhouse kick to the chest precordial thump by just looking at her. Don’t worry, she’s back in sinus rhythm.”

---- “Oh! We started rounds on 4South? I thought since it was Wacky Wednesday we started at the bottom of the list…”

-- “I decided to do a Ovid search on the latest journal articles related to Mr. White’s condition. I had just formed a evidence-based clinical question, picked the most appropriate MeSH, limited my search to recent publishings, and exploded diagnosis and treatment, when I realized it was time for rounds.”
(This one might actually get you out of any pimping on the patient’s condition too as you have expressed a failed attempt to research. Niiice. Double word score.)

-- “No, this isn’t fresh coffee. This is actually the same cup I’ve had since Monday. I’ve been working so hard I still haven’t had a chance to finish it, so I just keep reheating it.”

Line Up

I will be the very first to say that I am living in the dream in the NSICU leaving by 1pm everyday, but don't think that doesn't mean I'm not doing important things.

Need a central line? I'm on it. No... None of that femoral stuff, I'm going straight for the subclavian. I laugh in the face of a pneumo. Or at least see it as another chance for a procedure.

What about A-lines, you ask? Give me your hand, and I'll give you a beautiful arterial wave form. I'll even do the Allen test to be safe.

Of course, things are a touch easier when patients are heavily sedated...

Bean Update

The Butterbean has been doing alot these last few months. The Bean has all ten fingers, and all ten toes, ears, a little bit of hair... oh and girl parts! Yep, we have a She-Bean!! I know all this because I recently had a chance to meet Butterbean in person during a contraband ultrasound. She was moving about, and, as a lady should, had her legs crossed at the ankles and tried to cover herself when the doctor went to look at her girl parts.

And, just last week, she made her presence known for the first time and kicked her mama. Her mama probably deserved it. Probably because the Butterbean's blog hasn't been updated in months (yeah I said it.)

So, the Butterbean has officially celebrated her five month pre-birthday. Which means she's over half ready to come out of the oven. It won't be long now until she makes her appearance! And her Aunt Lulu can't wait!

Sound Byte from the NSICU

Standing outside the room of a patient with ESRD:

Ortho Intern, looking at what appears to be a foley bag-- "What would you rather do... Lick the floor of Trauma 2 after an alpha activation... Or drink some of that man's urine?"

Me-- "That man's in end stage renal disease. That's not his urine. That's a rectal tube. I'll take the floor of Trauma 2."

Tales from the Basement II

Woman comes into ER after being seen a few days earlier after a car crash. She is complaining of forearm pain. When I start talking to her, she expresses her extreme concern because her arm is hurting AND it's starting to change colors. The area where it hurts when you touch it has been getting darker since the accident.

Yes, this lady waited for 4 hours for me to tell her she has a bruise. Oh, and don't you worry, that visit was billed directly to middle class taxpayers.