Line Up

I will be the very first to say that I am living in the dream in the NSICU leaving by 1pm everyday, but don't think that doesn't mean I'm not doing important things.

Need a central line? I'm on it. No... None of that femoral stuff, I'm going straight for the subclavian. I laugh in the face of a pneumo. Or at least see it as another chance for a procedure.

What about A-lines, you ask? Give me your hand, and I'll give you a beautiful arterial wave form. I'll even do the Allen test to be safe.

Of course, things are a touch easier when patients are heavily sedated...

Bean Update

The Butterbean has been doing alot these last few months. The Bean has all ten fingers, and all ten toes, ears, a little bit of hair... oh and girl parts! Yep, we have a She-Bean!! I know all this because I recently had a chance to meet Butterbean in person during a contraband ultrasound. She was moving about, and, as a lady should, had her legs crossed at the ankles and tried to cover herself when the doctor went to look at her girl parts.

And, just last week, she made her presence known for the first time and kicked her mama. Her mama probably deserved it. Probably because the Butterbean's blog hasn't been updated in months (yeah I said it.)

So, the Butterbean has officially celebrated her five month pre-birthday. Which means she's over half ready to come out of the oven. It won't be long now until she makes her appearance! And her Aunt Lulu can't wait!

Sound Byte from the NSICU

Standing outside the room of a patient with ESRD:

Ortho Intern, looking at what appears to be a foley bag-- "What would you rather do... Lick the floor of Trauma 2 after an alpha activation... Or drink some of that man's urine?"

Me-- "That man's in end stage renal disease. That's not his urine. That's a rectal tube. I'll take the floor of Trauma 2."

Tales from the Basement II

Woman comes into ER after being seen a few days earlier after a car crash. She is complaining of forearm pain. When I start talking to her, she expresses her extreme concern because her arm is hurting AND it's starting to change colors. The area where it hurts when you touch it has been getting darker since the accident.

Yes, this lady waited for 4 hours for me to tell her she has a bruise. Oh, and don't you worry, that visit was billed directly to middle class taxpayers.

A New Hobby

Sparked by a book found at the treasure trove of all stores T.J. Maxx, I have decided to discover my inner baker. Well, I've always enjoyed baking, so I guess it would be more accurate to say that I have decided to discover my inner Cake Boss.

Here is my latest, and first, creation which was in honor of the Cutest Boy in the World's birthday.

Caught in the Act

After month, nay, years of wondering how candy bars, gum, and breath freshners came up missing, the mystery was finally solved...

Tales from the Basement

A new series (hopefully) of posts that will chronicle a journey through a month in the ER.

A man is brought in by JPD because his arm has gone completely numb, ironically at the exact moment he was put into handcuffs. On exam, this numbness extends from his fingertips of his right hand, crossing the midline to his left shoulder blade. (Explain that one Dr. Haines...)

Other than that, physical exam was fairly normal. You know, regular rate and rhythm, clear to auscultation bilaterally, you know all that jazz. Later, on obtaining surgical history, he tells me he had his entire left lung removed.... Interesting...

Disposition and plan on this patient? Discharge to jail.

Three Quarters Down

I have officially passed my Step 2 CK! The score came in, and I was happy. Not only did I pass, but I actually did better than I would have ever imagined taking into account the utter despair I felt when I left the testing center that down.

Unfortunately, a passing score on the CK is only half the battle. I had to take the other half of the Step 2 this week The Clinical Skills exam was designed to weed out foreign physicians that can't speek a lick of English who are trying to chase the American dream.

It's 8 hours of interviewing fake patients. The actors playing that are only allowed to say specifically scripted lines ("No. My back does not hurt.") which makes it very difficult for me to stay in my fake doctor character. But, I made it through the day. So, now, all I need is a passing score, and I'm home free to graduation.