Miller Christmas Season

Christmas morning is usually full of wide-eyed kids rushing downstairs to see what goodies Santa has left for them. After an hour or so of opening gifts, the only thing left is the wrapping paper carnage on the floor. After days of "family time," everyone rejoices in the chance to go their separate ways under the guise of playing with their new toys and gadgets. So, Christmas is over. Rinse and repeat for next year.

For me, however, this year the Millers have managed to accomplish the true Christmas season. Due to the resident hierarchy of UMC, my sister started a 24-hour shift at 7am Christmas morning. So, the Millers took it into our own hands to re-schedule Christmas to the 26th. In the long run, we didn't think the 7lb 8oz little baby Jesus would mind...

It began with a Candlelight Christmas Eve service that had my heart uplifted with the joy of Christmas. I was ready for the Christmas to finally arrive.

Christmas morning was not traditional. I woke up in my house, with the head of a Great Dane crushing the air out of my lungs. After a leisurely morning of playing "how much energy does this dog have" with Lanie, I loaded up to head to Tylertown for extended family Christmas. It was a quick visit, but it was full of the spirit of Christmas.

But, the moral of the story is, last night when most people around the world are finally exhaling that Christmas is over, I was just getting amped up. I had the grand finale, the Miller Christmas Extravaganza to look forward to!! So, today, is my Christmas! Today I spend the day with my family, prepared with a backseat full of gifts and an arsenal of witty comebacks if my dysfunctional love life becomes topic of conversation.

Merry Christmas... Again!!

News Flash

So, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I don't know what happened, but I did not get the memo!

But, now I know, and knowing is half the battle.

Merry Christmas!!!

It's Beginning to Feel A Lot Like Christmas...

According to the thermometer in the car, it was 36 degrees outside this morning at 8.

According to my WeatherMaster5000 it is currently 42 degrees at 4pm.

Finally... Christmas weather!!

Twelve Cases of Clinic

Another day at clinic has come and gone. Here is a recap-

On the last day of clinic, Jackson gave to me...
12 hypertensives
11 diabetics
10 BMIs over 30
9 lifetime smokers
8 dyslipidemias
7 illegal aliens
6 S4 gallops
5 cups of urine
4 inch hernia
3 lipid panels
2 CMPs

And a vaginal discharge with a pelvic exam....

It Begins..

Exam week has begun. I am experiencing nausea, dyspnea, and diaphoresis. Add in some chest pain and an elevated TroponinI, and you've got a good ol' timey MI.

17 Days..

Only 17 days until Christmas, but somehow I'm not really in the Christmas spirit. Don't get me wrong; I love Christmas. I love the music on the radio, the bustle of people at stores, the excitement on little kids faces. My lack of seasonal joy is probably because Christmastime is trumped by exam time. Instead of buying my first very own Christmas tree, I'm studying about Ascaris. Instead of decorating my first house for its first Christmas season, I'm trying to cram all the pemphigous vulgaris into my brain that it will hold. So hopefully on Friday, I will become the embodiment of the Christmas Spirit. If not, I'll blame it on the 72degree weather.

The Poser Coat

During the very first week of medical school, there is a ceremony where we are given our very first white coat. That day, you feel like the king of the world. Everyone, step aside, you are medical student! But, you quickly learn that this coat is not a gift, but a curse. A stigma.

The white coat of a physician is long (knee-lengthed) with your name, M.D., and your speciality monogrammed on the left chest. Your chest pocket is overflowing with free pens from pharmacuetical companies. Your other pockets are bulging with pocket books of pharmacology, lab values, and pertinent information to your speciality. You also carry in those pockets, your stethoscope, physical exam equipment, and countless scraps of paper with important phone numbers, notes on lab reports, and lists of things to do. You have places to go, patients to see. You own that hospital. You are doctor.

Now… my coat. My white coat is short, coming to the hip. There is nothing monogrammed on it, not my name, not the hospital’s name. And this barrenness extends to the pockets. I have one Community Bank pen in the chest pocket. I do have a stethoscope, but otherwise have stuck some incidental paper and small notebooks in the pockets to try to fake some credibility. It is also the warmest coat I own; for as soon as I put on that short white coat, I immediately begin to sweat with the overwhelming responsibility associated with it. Where is the Radiology Department? Ask the girl in the white coat. What is a normal BUN level? Ask the girl in the white coat. Unfortunately, I don’t know either of these things. I am just a kid playing dress up. And it scares the hell out of me.

Life Plan

You know the classic “globe” method of choosing a vacations spot? Close your eyes, spin a globe, and whereever your finger lands is where you’re spending a week of your life. Albeit, this method has its flaws (because you know you go for the re-spin if your finger lands in the Mariana Trench or Katmandu), but I have decided to adopt it for my own purposes.

As an M2, I have no clue what I want to do with my medical career, besides get out of the library. My experience is limited to a couple of botched histories, listening to a few hearts/lungs pretending to know what I’m hearing, and one successful venipuncture. None of these things lend themselves as a clear Road Sign of Life pointing me toward a certain speciality. This is where the globe method enters.

First, I’ve decided I would like to go somewhere fun for residency. Although I might not necessarily have time to enjoy the city, I would like to be somewhere that my friends would feel motivated to come stay with me so that they can enjoy the city. So far, I’m looking into:

Charleston, South Carolina
Chicago, Illinois
Charlotte, North Carolina
Denver, Colorado
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Once I settle on a city, I then will need to choose a specialty. Seeing as I would like to go to at least a decent program, this means that the field I go into will be limited by what is respectable in the city I choose. But, I’m not going to just pick a career because it has the best program. I want to have a specialty that has perks, such as prestige, monetary compensation, and the most important, good personalized license plate options. Here are some examples:

Orthopedics- BONESAW
Plastic Surgery- NEWU MD
Otolaryngology- SAY AHH
Obstetrics/Gynocology- VAG DOC
Radiology- ICTHRUU

With both of these criteria met (fun city, cool tag), I feel like I will have found my chosen path in life. I mean, how can this plan go wrong?

Jaundice

The method of medical school is to teach us about conditions we have never seen, give us the symptoms or a picture of the best possible example, and hope that we recognize it in the real world. So, a fear of mine is that I won't be able to recognize anything. Is that a physiologic S2 split or an S3 gallop? Is that splenomegaly or just intestines?

So, last week I walked into a patient's room, and this Seinfeld clip was the first thing I thought of. When the attending asked me, "What's wrong with this lady?" as he pointed to a patient as yellow as a banana, I thought, is this a trick question? But, correctly answered, "Jaundice...?"

For Giggles

Although more relevant to first year (I actually own the Embryology book shown), this will give you an insight on my week...

To Help Me Get Through This...

"I want what all men want. I just want it more."

--Achilles, Troy

One Small Prick for Man... A Giant Leap for an M2

Today was a great day in the life of Student-Dr. Miller. I went to the Jackson Free Clinic, to give back to the community, and to remind myself why in the world I signed up for this medical school thing.

At the clinic, the staff consists of:
M1s- They have no clue what they are doing and have no idea what idea is going on.
M2s- We know, in theory, what is going on, but we have no clue what we're doing.
M3s- They might be the grunts of the hospital, but they run the show at the JFC.
M4s- Who am I kidding... They're all either on vacation or giving their work to an M3..
Attending- They sign their name off on the charts, checking to make sure all of the above aren't trying to kill anyone.

Please notice. No nurses. No lab techs. No phlebotomists. Just us. We do it all.

And, today, I hit a milestone. I took blood for the very first time successfully. (Must admit, I tried last week, it didn't work out as planned, so I let someone else do it.) Yep. Tied that tourniquet on, coaxed a nice vein to the surface, and hit it on the first try. Oh, I was pumped. I tried to hide my excitement in front of the patient as not to freak him out that it was my first time... But as soon as he left the room...

I did a celebratory dance.

Stolen from TCA

I'm going to get on putting up a Boston post, and maybe a few med school related posts, but for now, I hope this makes you smile... (Turn your speakers on...)

Study Lunch

Yesterday I took a trip to Northpark. First, let me say, it was November 8th and Santa's Workshop was already set up in the center, and Christmas music was playing on the overhead speakers. Uplifting? Yes. Premature? Definitely. But, I digress...

So, I decided to have lunch there at the FoodCourt, one of those bad GI decisions that you only regret about 4 hours later. Being a medical student, I had some handy-dandy flashcards with me that I decided to review while eating. Just as I settled in with my ManchuWok and pharm, a large (think 16) group of senior citizens with their lunch trays made their way to my corner of the food court. My first thought, "Crap, there goes my studying..." In a strange turn of luck, they were all deaf and spoke only in sign language. My study environment was preserved, although I must say it was a bit visually distracting...

Girls' Night

Last night, girls' night debauchery took place at PF Chang's. Oh, ETOH was not involved, rather a nearly disgusting amount of food. I think the quote from the evening, "Can I have some more of that chicken? I'm a glutton for punishment. Or maybe just a glutton," captures it all. And after two destroyed appetizers and 5 annhilated entrees, we took on the greatest challenge of all, conquering the Great Wall of Chocolate. I'm not going to say it was easy (although it was delicious), and we lost a few good men in the fight, but we did it. You'd think after all that I might never eat again. Instead, I'm thinking... Wanna do it again tonight??

How to Lecture Like a Med School Professor

Sinning Method: Read the powerpoint slides word for word, using the laser pointer to point to which word you are currently reading.

Rockhold Method: Try to ride on Dr. Kermode's popularity coattails by writing on the board old school style, but only write exactly what is already on the powerpoint that you have distributed to the class.

Dr. Galli Style: Throw in the random expletive and disgusting picture to keep the crowd interested.

Dr. and Lady Arceneaux Method: Keep it simple. White powerpoint, black Times New Roman font. And of course, read directly off the slides.

Dr. Smith Method: Use visually distracting powerpoint colors (i.e., purple) and put entirely too much information in the power point. Then, a week before the exam, send out a one page "summary" of what the students actually need to know.

Gross Anatomy Style: All pictures directly from the textbook; do not put a single word on the slides; and let the students attempt to take notes without knowing how to spell words like "hemiazygous vein," "sternocleidomastoid muscle," and "platysma muscle."

Dr. Ard Method: All pictures directly from the textbook, which nobody bought; do not put a single word on the slides; and lecture about something completely irrelevant at volumes only audible to lemurs.

Pathology Style: Use the same ridiculously long powerpoint presentations each year, just change the name of the professor giving the lecture on the first slide. Also, using the same test questions each year is appreciated.

The Language of Medical School

23yo WF, NKDA, RR 12, BP 118/61, HR 86. CC- fatigue. H/O HA, aggrevated by exam schedules. Upon PE, pt found to be WD, WN, and NAD. HEENT is unremarkable, PERRLA. Lungs are CTAB. Abd is S, NT, ND c NABS and negative for HSM.

Dx- Medical Student; Tx-Have a glass of wine...

All Hallow's Eve

The creeps, freaks, and crazies all came out last night, and most of them went to JP's party...


Me and Creepy Brad--


Oh my gosh, is that Justin Timberlake? Again??

Oh won't you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street...

Not sure if Drew was Scuba Steve, or just lovin' the feel of neoprene.

Ode to Wikipedia

Thousands of dollars paid to the institution of U.M.C.
Loans upon loans to be paid back by little ol' me
Money for textbooks, computers, and a hefty lab fee
And countless professors sporting their PhD.

But the teachers say words they think I already know
Or textbooks mention concepts I understand only so-so
Basically for any reason when my knowledge is low
This is when the truth of medical education will show

Oh dearest Wikipedia that is when you are there
To quickly teach me things that I'd never dare
To spend the time looking up, and that's why I swear
I dedicate my M.D. to Wiki, the fountain of knowledge of health care.

Freedom! Freedom!!

Exam week is over. Enough said.

Happy Birthday Lanie.

Yesterday was my girl's birthday. Here's how she spent the day. It truly is a dog's life...

When I Get Out of Here...

I find that during exam week, I begin thinking and acting like a felon who is only days away from being granted parole after a 25 year stent in the big house. Although finding distraction has never been my weakness, this week I seem to plan for all the fun things I'm going to do once I'm free. So far here's the list, in no particular order.

1. Have a wine and cheese night, even if its just me.
2. Make a killer Halloween costume.
3. Clean my house. Fold laundry. Rake my backyard. (But that's probably just crazy talk.)
4. Give the dog a bath.
5. Invite friends over for dinner and a movie... Transformers anyone?
6. See my sister, finally get to tell my brother-in-law happy birthday.
7. Learn to make the world's best cheesecake.
8. Read a book for pleasure.
9. Go on a trip. Maybe New Orleans. Maybe New York.
10. Have a lazy movie day.

Yeah, this is just a beginning of all the things I want to do once I can honestly leave my "command center" without guilt. My guess is maybe half of those things will get done. But, a girl's gotta dream.

System Overload... Automatic Shutdown

Maybe it is Fate's way of punishing me for some cosmic offense, or maybe I'm just a hypochondriac, but I'm pretty sure I'm going blind. Yes, as I sit here, I am losing my sight. So, maybe we can play a quick game of "Mystery Diagnosis" and figure out why I've got increased pressure behind my right eye with blurred vision. A skull base fracture? The pathogenic course of a misplaced micro lab unknown? Elevated intracranial pressure due to increased knowledge absorption?... I'm thinking the last one....

M1 Flashback

I found this on my computer, an artifact from the good ol' days when we used to think "When are we going to start learning things to help us diagnose people?? I came to medical school to treat patients!!" . . . Now, I find myself saying, "Holy frick! Are we expected to be able to diagnose people?? I'm not ready to treat patients!!" Good...


Top Ten Reasons Not To Drop Out of Med School...

10. The chance to have your head directly in between someone else's knees six hours a day.
9. Playing "where's the laser?!?" when professors forget to bring their own laser pointer yet decide to use the dead R153 one anyway.
8. Only having to actually think about wardrobe choices once a week... otherwise the only decision is "blue or green?"
7. Being able to recklessly wield a scalpel without any worry of being sued.
6. Occasional free lunches--- basically make the $100,000+ of debt worth it.
5. The endless array of fascia--- all day, everyday... no extra cost!!
4. Gross anatomy humor... For example, my favorite of the intestine lab: Why did the colon need Viagra? Because it had a rectal disfunction... (provided by Brooks)
3. The joy of having every activity in your life tainted by the thought, "I should be studying...."
2. The oppurtunity to check your email, facebook, etc. 12-14 times an hour and knowing that at least 10 of those times there will actually be something new because all of your med school friends check their emails, facebooks, etc 12-14 times an hour too.

And the number one reason.....
1. The brachial pleckthuth.

Ophelia... Where have you gone?

Despite the ever growing need for me to spend 24 hours a day studying, this weekend my dad brought one of the greatest joys to Jackson, Ophelia, my 2006 Harley Sportster 1200XL. She's back in Baton Rouge now, and I can't lie, I miss her.


I realize I'm the butch girl with the Hog, but riding offers me a chance to let it all go. It's just you and the road, and the joys, dangers, and smells that go with it. Too often riding in a car you are merely a bystander, watching as the world passes you by as if on a television screen. On a bike, you are the scenery. If you don't ride, I don't know if you'll ever understand...


"Sometimes it's a little better to travel than to arrive."
~ Robert M. Pirsig - Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Eye for an Eye

Last week we had a "Getting to Know Your Opthalmascope" lesson. Since I've been reading the worst 60 pages of my life this weekend about all things eyeball, I thought I'd post a flashback in the style of Wedding Crashers on how that lesson went...

Fellow M2: "Have you ever used one of these things before?"
Me: "The whole 2 years we've known each other I've been sneaking off to go on opthalmic exams around the world. No, I don't even know what the f*** a fundus is!"

And it begins...

I'm new to the blogging world, and considered briefly posting an intro post... Screw that. I've got things to say...

I am under the impression that you do not decide what type of doctor you want to be in medical school, you merely eliminate all the types you don't want to be. As I sit here looking at pictures of yummy skin conditions like necrotizing fascitis, gangrene, and my personal favorite, furuncles, I realize I will not be spending my life as a dermatologist. Go ahead and mark that one off the list. And who says I haven't accomplished anything today...

(Note to self, as will be a theme on this blog, the links to pictures of the above conditions are not for the faint of heart... or stomach.)